Broken Hormones

Hey guys its me again,

Sorry I have been gone for awhile as the title suggests I have been having a rough time of things recently.

So lets talk about what has been happening … in early January I stated bleeding (like a normal cycle) this lasted about 14 days, I knew this was odd but dismissed it due to having the implant form of contraception, considering I had not had a cycle in four months  I was not too surprised that its was longer.

Then we hit February and it starts all over again but heavy and with no mercy, when I hit the 14 day mark again I worry and book an appointment with my doctors who then refers me to the hospital clinic. By this point bleeding this much had made me anaemic and took a mental toll on me with the pretty much constant dysphoria.

I go to the hospital clinic and they take out my implant and suggest that due to my dysphoria that fitting the coil would be a good option for me, I agree and go again the next day … when I say that was one of the most disturbing, dysphoric and ultimately painful experiences of my life that would be a understatement. There will never be any words to do it justice and best of all the attempt to fit it did not work.

So my sweets this is why I have missing for a little while, recovering, getting myself back up to a mentally stable place and finding a way to never have to go back for something like that. 

On a happier note I have recently purchased new reading material on gender to try to push myself forward into this world to find out jut where I belong.

Talk soon!

Kitty x

 

Dysphoria! all day every day!

Hey guys its me again,

So I was wondering what today’s topic could be … then I realised I could just write about what I have been feeling regarding the dysphoric sides of the gender spectrum.

First off it is different for everyone and this is really important to remember, it changed and effects each individual in unique ways, what may not bother one individual could cripple another.

I can only speak for myself so here it goes… my dysphoria mostly stems from my chest, I dont like it at all, if i dont wear my binder or bind in some form or another I get very uncomfortable and just dont feel like myself (this is unless I decided on he rare occasion I feel very feminine). As for below the belt, it doesn’t bother me except for when mother nature decides to come along and ruin my day, when that happens it bothers me to the point I could just sit in tears, it doesn’t feel natural to me and my thought process is that it shouldn’t even be happening. Recently my form of birth control (the implant) started acting up so I was bleeding for 14 days straight … I was miserable so I marched my ass to the doctors and they gave me medication to make it stop.

What I am trying to say is that even though dysphoria is awful and I will never be able to truly put into words how it makes you feel, there will always be some small work arounds that we can use that help us just enough to get by.

If anyone wants so more in depth details about the different methods I know of on how to reduce dysphoria on your worst days, let me know and I will make a top 5 tips post.

Kitty x

To family or not to family?

Hey guys its me again,

In today’s blog I wanted to talk about family and the general acceptance about been gender fluid in my day to day life.

So the big question do my family know??? 

…No they don’t and there is a simple answer to why I have not taken this step even though it would increase my comfort around them and generally make my life easier, and that is because I am not ready too.

It may sound silly, but hear me out … to paint a picture we are quite a small family rather moulded into the typical expectation of society. Though most of my family I do believe would love me no matter what and would accept any change I would want to make as long as it would make me happy, some would not. The person I have in mind for this opinion is my mother, she is blonde haired, blue eyed and the idealistic view of feminine, growing up I know she always wanted that girly daughter and sadly she got me the biggest tomboy ever known, I knew early on this was not exactly what she had wanted but she loves me all the same.

There is only one problem, she berates most things I ever do (intentional or not) in front of anyone whether it is my family or my partner at that time, it would always be things such as, if I went to get a piercing ‘that looks disgusting in your face’, if I got a tattoo ‘you will regret that its stupid’  or I bought a guitar because I really want to learn ‘You do waste your money on some shit’…. this list carries on.

Last year I came out to my mother about been bisexual and the only response I got was ‘I dont understand why would you do that?’ so as you can imagine the thought of me telling her I am gender fluid actually terrifies me!

That is not to say that others out there should not be open with their parents, but I also believe is is all about if you can handle any response that could be given to you, and at the moment in time negative feedback would only ruin how far I have come so far.

Thanks for reading!

Kitty x